Friday 25 February 2011

Mid-Summer Murder Mystery Pt 9

I've jumped to the last two parts as I think it's gonna take too long to get there!
So here we go...




Natalie So, let me hear this again. You’re going to dig up plot 13 ‘cos the Trugmore Lane Allotment Society think there’s a body under the beans?


Jake Yes


Natalie Why you?


Jake Because (pause) They claim they haven’t seen his wife in days, Jill says weeks actually. And he has not been shouting at her on his phone too


Natalie That, doesn’t answer, why you?


Jake I don’t know. Just to stop them going on and on at me


Natalie That, is no excuse. It’s bloody madness, going out after midnight, blacked up wearing a freaking balaclava. You look like the Milk Tray man for pity’s sake


Jake Do I?


Natalie Stop it!


Jake Look I know it’s ridiculous, but we’ll get it done in no time with five of us


Natalie (exasperated) You shouldn’t even be contemplating it, let alone actually be on the verge of doing it


Jake Gotta go. Be back soon, shan’t kiss you, you’ll get covered in camouflage


Natalie (as door shuts quietly) 30 years, 30 bloody of years of this, I deserve time off for good behaviour


(we hear Jake walking slowly along the road. A car goes passed)


Jake Shit! Phew, why am I doing this again? Natalie is right, this is so stupid as to be beyond stupid. More stupid than the most stupid man in Stupidland


Tom Hey! How you doing Milk Tray man


Jake (obviously scared out of his mind) Sweet Jeepers Creepers, you trying to kill me? Don’t do that!


Tom Oops, a bit jumpy


Jake No! (pause) Yeah, look I’m going home, this is so dumb. I have no idea why I agreed to do this


Tom Because you are community minded and it’s-


Jake Community?


Tom (changing subject & sounds enthusiastic) Hey there Jack, Jill!


Jack Hello-


Jill Exciting isn’t it?


Jake No


Tom Ignore him


Jack Come on, Felicity will be waiting


Jill It’s like being in a film


Jack The Magnificent Seven


Jake (irritated) There’s only five of us


Jill No, Ocean’s 12


Jake (louder) There’s only five of us


Tom Shhhhhhh, we need to be quiet, ruthless, straight in, dig, check out the hole, fill it in, sraight out again. Simple!


Jack Five in a Hole (Jack & Jill laugh)


Jake At least you got the number right this time, but there’s no such film or book even


Tom Look, there’s Felicity, very fecthing in her camouflage gear


Jake Not too late to turn back


Jack Pardon?


Jake Nothing


Felicity (whispering) Is this where we synchronise watches


Jake What for? We’re going over there together


Felicity Of course, silly me. This feels like a film or a Secret Seven adventure


Jake Enid Blyton again. There’s only five of us Felicity


Felicity (laughs nervously) Yes, silly me


Jill Did you leave the spades where we agreed Tom?


Tom Check!


Jake Too loud


Tom Sorry, but there’s not gonna be anyone around, not in this town at this time and when was the last time you saw a cop car round here?


Jake Now, duck


(sound of a car driving passed slowly)


Felicity Oh my


Tom & Jake Shh...


Jill (giggles) Exciting


Tom Praise be to the council and this hedge


Jack What if they stop; what do we say?


Jill Trick or treat?


(fade)

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